The Friendship Ring

Back in the day before mood rings, promise rings, and nose rings, there were friendship rings. These silver bands were popular with the junior high crowd and girls gave them to each other for birthday or Christmas gifts.

While most of my friends proudly wore friendship rings, I felt bad because no one had given me one. Then on my 14^th birthday, I received a silver friendship ring with a heart at its center and one on each side! It was one of the nicer friendship rings I’d seen.

What I didn’t want to admit was who had given it to me: my mother. How embarrassing!

Classmate: Nice friendship ring! Look at those neat hearts! Who gave it to you?

Me: Mumble, mumble.

Classmate: Who?

Me: My mother.

Classmate: Oh. Gotta go now.

The irony was that Mom and I didn’t have a warm mother-daughter relationship. How I wished for “heart to heart” talks with Mom, as Sandra Dee and Annette Funicello had with their mothers in the movies, but Mom was closed to such nonsense. Instead, as I grew up she became the army sergeant, while I donned a black jacket and boots and took to smoking Winstons.

                 Larry, Mom and me in 1985

After I married and had a family, we got along better. We’d visit her on weekends and spend holidays together. When it became harder for our family to get away, Mom seemed to understand. She worked until she was 73, traveled, made quilts, and did the one thing she said she’d never do–have coffee klatches with friends.

Mom died thirty years ago this week. Since then, much too late, I have gained more understanding of my mother. The hardships she and Dad faced as they raised my siblings during the Depression. The dreams that blew away during the Dirty Thirties. Raising a late baby (me) while my father’s health failed. Perhaps most difficult, the hope she must have lost for the future.

Mom never said, “You did a good job,” “I love you” or “follow your dreams.” Instead, Mom did her best for me, by making complete wardrobes for my dolls, in providing money for milk at school and for “bank day” savings, even when the pay check hardly covered the rent; paying for art lessons while I was in high school; and the gift of a friendship ring. None of this was done with a smile or a hug.

Today, the ring is a reminder that not everyone communicates in the same way. Sometimes we must listen with our hearts rather than our ears.

I still have the friendship ring. Its sterling silver heart has a patina now, and surprisingly, it still fits my finger. Through it, Mom seems to reach out to me across time. I’m honored to tell people it was a gift from a good friend: my mother.

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.

James 1: 22 NLT